Leaving and finding you
by Hananiah
Summary: Obidala. Padme grows up during the empire with her younger brother Anakin, when she is given command of echo base she is forced to work with an unlikely ally
1. Default Chapter

Leaving you  
  
Summary: Padme has always been part of the rebellion but now she doesn't have to fight alone.  
  
AU- MASSIVE AU  
  
Spoilers: TESB, OT  
  
Notes: The characters ages are all from AOTC I.E Padme 24, Obi, and 35 Anakin 20  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine but George Lucas in all his glory.  
  
'Now this is what I call cold" Padme Amidala muttered as she pulled her protective jacket closer to her body. Even in the hidden rebel base on Hoth Padme could feel her skin freeze.  
  
There was so much to do, sliding into her chair she resumed her work, trying to decipher whether or not any Imperials were in the area.  
  
She was so intent on her task that she didn't see her brother Anakin Skywalker appears behind her until she felt him squeeze her shoulder briefly.  
  
"Padme!"  
  
The ex senator turned, as usual unable to school her features into a perfect mask, maybe it was because Anakin was her little brother but ever since he had lost his sight three years ago Padme could not control her reaction around him.  
  
Her smile however was genuine. "Hey, Ani" she frowned as she saw he wasn't alone.  
  
"Padme, this is my Master, Obi Wan Kenobi"  
  
The frown deepened. Anakin could sense his sister's disapproval, Padme had never been very good at hiding her dislike for the Jedi and her views on their order, especially since it had meant that she had missed out on growing up with Anakin.  
  
"Oh" she stalled, trying to think of a way to be polite, without coming over insincere. Besides Anakin clearly respected this man, Padme could hear it in his voice.  
  
She held out her hand, and the Jedi took it, unlike her own hand his was warm and strong, she could feel her insides take a turn as she reacted to his skin touching hers. Rather brusquely she took her hand back, unused to having this reaction to a man. Her first priority was the rebellion.  
  
"Master Kenobi has agreed to help us here on Hoth, and I thought you would be the best person to tell him everything he needs to know"  
  
'I bet you did,' Padme thought, her brother was clearly enjoying this.  
  
She sent a glare at her brother, who although could not see it was so used to his sisters reactions knew what to expect. In reply all he did was shrug, he was sick to death of his sisters self imposed celibacy and isolation.  
  
"M'lady it seems that the defense of this base is reliant on the energy shield protecting it, perhaps you could show me you're evacuation procedure?" Obi Wan ventured, smiling but his face showed that he knew exactly what needed to be done and wanted to get to work.  
  
Padme gritted her teeth but was determined not to let Anakin's little scheme get to her. At least he was being respectful and kept his distance; he had taken a seat beside her and was leaning close without invading her personal space.  
  
She could do this, as long as he kept it professional, and she didn't get swept away by his blue. Green eyes, that reminded her of her long destroyed home planet of Naboo.  
  
She shook herself, she had blocked out the memory of Naboo's destruction because otherwise she would just overload with grief. She had a job to do, but she knew that this man with a kind smile and eyes that reminded her of the most beautiful lakes on Naboo was going to test her resolve 


	2. Anger

"So you can see we are fully operational"  
  
Padme said as she expertly moved through the ice tunnels the rebellion had made. Beside her Obi Wan nodded, but did not answer, Padme felt her patience begin to give, in politics she was used to double motives but she could always pinpoint a weakness that was what enabled her to see through the scheming of Palpatine and evade his black list.  
  
The black list held every senator who was considered a threat; on it were several of Padme's closest friends including Bail Organa, Mon Mothma and CeCe. Each had a bounty on their head, thankfully they had created and maintained the rebellion, a force that would challenge Imperial rule and one day free the galaxy.  
  
Padme always believed you should aim big when you wanted to achieve your goals and she had a good reason too, Naboo and Aldeeran had both been destroyed in a duel attack, the planets had been resisting Imperial rule, small things at first until it was made to seem that annihilation was necessary.  
  
Padme felt dangerously close to fury when she thought about the collective lives lost, without realizing it Padme felt her hand clench into pocket.  
  
"You should let your anger go, Padme" the Jedi advised from beside her. Embarrassed Padme stared stonily at the Jedi.  
  
"Do not presume to tell me what to do, Master Jedi, I am not your padawan and I am most defiantly not my brother"  
  
Obi Wan said nothing for a moment, merely lifted his brows.  
  
"Indeed you are not your brother, Anakin has still a spark of humanity within him, even against those who have hurt him the most"  
  
Padme stopped walking, standing in front of the Jedi and staring at him.  
  
"I have humanity, I care about each and every person under my command in this rebellion I..."  
  
Obi Wan raised his arm to encompass where they were standing, around them rebel agents bustled around them.  
  
"You are led by your hatred and grief senator Amidala, this is very dangerous for you, you care about those under your command but you have lost your reason and your compassion for the all instead of the one. Your mind lingers on Naboo and with it anger and revenge."  
  
Padme felt tears prick her eyes as she thought of Naboo but she levelled Obi Wan with an icy stare.  
  
"You know nothing" she stated, unaware that she had taken another step towards him.  
  
"Don't ever tell me what I am feeling, you are such a great Jedi and yet you didn't see Palpatine's evil, you talk of revenge and compassion when you show neither, you're whole order is based on lies and coldness"  
  
She backed away, while she still could, his expression remained emotionless, much like Anakin's when he had learned he would never see again, it had broken Padme's heart to see him in such a state, and she blamed the Jedi. +  
  
The Jedi would not help bring peace to the galaxy, it was up to her, and she wouldn't work with one either. 


	3. Siblings

Restlessness took Padme from her bed that night. The chilly air turned her breath into little white clouds. Donning on her outer gear she headed topside. The vast cavern that housed many of the rebellion's fleet lay in silence, in neat orderly rows. She was alone here.

Memories of Naboo haunted her nights now.

And Obi Wan's words.

Up ahead she saw her brother, his head was bent and he was hunched over the little R2 unit that had become as close to them as any human companion during these dark days of the wall. His hands moved expertly in the gloom, he was a true mechanic.

Carefully Padme picked her away over, leaning over the wing of Anakin's fighter.

"Hey you what are doing up?" she teased him.

Anakin shrugged. "Something to do" he answered quietly.

Padme knew the feeling; she dreaded sleeping now in case she heard the millions of screams of her people haunting her.

"We'll be able to get moving again soon," she promised. She knew her little brother was restless without a course of action and the fact that he couldn't fly made him more depressed then ever.

Curiosity caused her to ask.

"Ani, have I been a good sister, I mean you know I love you?"

Anakin gazed into her face, his own mirroring deep reservations and hesitation.

"Padme I know you love me because you're my sister and I know your weird quirks but sometimes you can come off a little.... cold"

"Cold" Padme repeated allowing the word to lie between them for a while.

"Is that what Obi Wan told you?"

Anakin stopped scrubbing R2 and let out a sigh.

"Obi Wan hasn't said anything to me, he barely even mentioned you, he said you were a very capable leader and he was sure the rebellion would be in good hands while you were in charge"

Padme didn't know where the flash of hurt came from, but it was there, strong and heated.

"Well good" she said drawing herself up. She didn't want to spend any more time thinking about Obi Wan, although thinking of him made her feel as though she were on Tatooine instead of Hoth.

She regarded her brother's face, which was drawn and intent, she wondered whether Naboo plagued his thoughts as it did hers, he had grown up there until he was three years old and constantly took trips home to see his family. She could see that he missed them as much as it hurt her.

She wondered whether or not there was anyone Anakin liked, someone to draw him out of his intensity, lighten him up slightly, make him feel more human and less like a soldier in a losing war, more like a care free young man.

"You have that look again" Anakin warned her dangerously although his lips twitched slightly.

"What look?"

"The 'how shall I butt into little Anakin's life this time' look" he informed her. .

"I have no such look" Padme hid her grin and managed to look serious for a moment.

"Mom had the exact same look" he shot back.

.

Padme winced.

"Not as bad as Sola" Padme recalled

The siblings laughed easily.


	4. I don't know why you do this to me

Padme warned herself not to scream, she counted to ten and tried to breath, but the red mist was beginning to settle before her eyes. She knew that Obi Wan was making sense but she hated that Obi Wan had pointed it out. She sighed, she and Obi Wan had gotten on so well all night, she had opened up so much to him and this one comment had ruined it all.

"Padme, this is completely unrealistic, we have to work together or this war will either go on forever or we're going to lose"

"Obi Wan I have been in command of this squadron for over two years, I have worked hard and won important battles. I don't need you to tell me how to be in command"

"I'm not trying to tell you how to be in command" Obi Wan replied testily.

"Yes you are! Do not tell me what to do!"

"Why is it you have to be in charge of everything Padme, I'm trying to help you. Anakin is trying to help you but you are so stuck up and blind you can't see it"

Padme backed up a step, her eyes brimming with anger and hostility

"Are you going to apologise?" she asked.

"No"

"Padme we can't be enemies here" Obi Wan said quietly, his intense blue green eyes bore into her own unflinchingly until Padme took a breath and let it go. She had blown up at him and she had not meant to, she knew he was not right. She was not cold she was just protective of what was hers.

She didn't like how Obi Wan looked at her, talked to her as if she were not a leading member of a rebellion, it was a part of her that had died when she was a little girl, she was not Anakin she could not see the good in everything.

She was attracted to Obi Wan, she would admit that readily, she was a woman, however she had never reacted as strongly to a man before, yet if she was honest no man had spoken to her like Obi Wan before.

"Let me help you Padme" he took a step forward.


	5. My heart is beating

Padme took a step back as Obi Wan took her hand in his own, running a thumb across the back of her hand gently. Padme gasped gently, the sound echoing in the dim room. She tried to release herself but only succeeded in increasing his contact with her. She did not move as he once again took a step forward. She looked into his eyes, tilting her head to fully analyze his expression.

"Please don't Obi Wan" she whispered gently, not meaning it, in the slightest. She could not breathe properly and she felt her protests die away as she leaned into him.

"Padme, I can't believe…."

Against her will, she wrapped her arms around her waist as he in turn wrapped his arms around her shoulders. Completely caught Padme gave in to Obi Wan's kiss, delighted in the softness of his kiss, she had not been kissed in so long and suddenly had an irrational fear of not doing it right.

Together they broke apart, gasping for air, Padme gently ran her fingers over her lips, not looking at the Jedi who stood before her.

"Padme I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that"

Glad to have control of her senses she nodded, diffidently.She didn't look at him and for some reason she couldn't get a soild breath. Her mind whirled and she tried to even out her thoughts that had suddenly become irrational.

"No you shouldn't, and I shouldn't have let you. I have to go"

She brushed past him, her cheeks flaming even as the hoth coldness assaulted the rest of her body, she heard him call her name but did not stop. She nearly collided with Anakin, as the padawan went about his duties, he did not have time to talk as Padme walked past without stopping.

Anakin felt the presence of his master and his blind gaze fell on the older man, he could not see but he felt a deep sadness, a longing.

Yet whether it came more strongly from Padme or Obi Wan, Anakin could not tell.


	6. Anakin's musings

They were back to ignoring each other.

Anakin was beginning to tire of being the message boy when clearly it would save a lot of time and effort if they just sat down and talked to one another.

Apparently a full grown Jedi Knight and a former senator of the Republic were not mature enough for that. Anakin preferred it when they were yelling at each other.

And it wasn't like he knew what to do to settle the dispute. He and Obi Wan had always had their own way of working together. Anakin considered him a brother; he was the only one around him that actually remembered that he was Anakin, that despite his lack of sight he could get a job done.

He ran his hand aimlessly over the wing of an X-Wing, the call of space was alluring, he would never be able to fly again and that hurt, a wound that openly bled day in and day out. He hadn't talked to Obi Wan about it-not yet. And Padme, however much he loved her could not understand.

Sometimes it was hard to imagine all the changes that had actually happened in the last few years, the demise of the Jedi, the corruption of the Republic, the tyranny of the Empire that had replaced it.

The loss of his sight.

All of it in such a small amount of time, Anakin remembered the friends and teachers he had lost, the dread that he may lose Obi Wan as well, on some days it was enough to throw him closer to the edge of despair he always managed to live with. He had faced his demons yet some remained to haunt him still. In his own eyes they were much too strong.

He thought of Padme then, of the sister who had become a leader beyond her time. He worried about her sometimes. Although she did not have what it took to become a Jedi she was still dangerously susceptible to anger and hate, he worried about her loose grip on control, whether one day it might slip and she would become what she hated most.

He wouldn't let that happen, Padme had taken care of him, mothered him and protected him, she had ignored his pleas to meditate with him, to let her anger go but he wouldn't give up. He loved her too much.

And now so did Obi Wan.

He smirked at the thought. Master Obi Wan was not the man to fall in love, however Anakin had seen how devoted and kind he could be, that could easily translate into romantic love although Padme had accused him of scheming Anakin hadn't thought of them together in any sort of way-now he did.

He put his hand in his pocket, fingering the japor snippet he had made when he was ten. He had believed in princesses in towers and knights in shining armour who rescued them. He believed he would give it to his princess when the time came. He let it go suddenly. The prospect seemed absurd now, a childhood dream that he should have shaken off.

He stood, a Jedi didn't think of the past but of the future. It didn't matter the Jedi were gone, he still lived and their teachings still lay in his heart. He would keep them there and foster them.

In a hope for a better life for all of them.


End file.
